Involuntary teenage babysitters
by devotedtodreams
Summary: At first, they think their outing to the pool is spoiled when they have to take Sasuke with them. But when they involve him in their ideas of "fun", will the task to "look after him properly" be fulfilled in the end? Attempted humor... ::ON HIATUS::
1. Chapter 1

And now... I bring to you: my second Naruto fanfic! This is the one I'm working on parallel to the oneshots about the Uchiha brothers... I'm a little stuck at the moment, but there are two or three chapters after this one which I have already typed.

I think the AU-ish parts of this story will quickly become apparent... I changed their ages a bit (not that much of an age difference between them; the gang's ages range from 12 to 15 years), plus I made Sasuke a much younger brother to Itachi than he actually is (he's 5 in this one). But hey, this is **fiction**, after all ;)

Anyway; I hope you enjoy this story...!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I think my brother would die of shame if I did.

* * *

The sun had risen to a perfect summer's day in Konohagakure. It was one of those days that were considered to have been wasted if they were spent indoors.

When the doorbell rang at the Uchiha household, Mikoto called from the kitchen:

"Itachi, dear, could you get it?"

The only answer she got was the pounding sound of feet hurrying downstairs. Barely a minute after the doorbell had been rung, Itachi Uchiha opened the door with a duffle bag over his shoulder and sunglasses perched on his head.

"Yo, dude! Ready?"

"You bet!"

"Good; let's roll!"

A now complete group of ten was just about to do exactly that when one of them got called back:

"Itachi?"

In unison, they groaned, then the one in question asked wearily: "Yes, mom?"

Leave it to parents to keep you from getting out of the house on time…

"I want to clean the house today – **all** of it – so I want you to take Sasuke along," Mikoto told him, sticking her head out of the kitchen.

While his friends exchanged shifty glances, Itachi whirled around and exclaimed indignantly: "But **mom** –"

Apparently, this wasn't the first argument like that, for Mikoto cut him off sternly: "No buts, young man! You shall do as you were told!"

"But the guys all came, I wanna hang out with **them** –"

"You can still do that! Now don't make me repeat myself!" One could tell that Mikoto was fed up with all that protest.

"Make me!" Itachi dared her, crossing his arms stubbornly, his sunglasses becoming askew when he stuck up his nose. Ah, the joys of a rush of teenage hormones!

Mikoto fully stepped out of the kitchen, all of her usual kindness swept away from her features. Outside, the gang retreated a step, as if they could sense that an angry Uchiha mother was bad, bad news.

"Itachi Uchiha, you will take your brother with you, or else you will be grounded!"

"Big deal," Itachi muttered, mentally already planning his escape, like he had done often before.

But his mother wasn't finished yet:

"**And** I will put you on a **very strict** dango diet!"

His friends gasped collectively, and Itachi gawked at her for a second before positively howling: "Noooooo! Anything but that!" He may be a strong-headed person with close to no weaknesses, but miss out on dango?! No way! That had the same effects as forbidding Naruto to eat ramen (which he already did, despite his very young age). It spelled D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R.

"The choice is yours," Mikoto said firmly, calmly meeting his pleading gaze. Noticing this, Itachi ruefully drew the conclusion that he had forgotten how to go all puppy-eyed on her. Darn it.

Letting his shoulders sag in defeat, he dropped his bag and slouched upstairs, muttering curses about "cruel, inhumane punishments".

"And don't forget to look after him properly!" she reminded him, her face alight once more with her usual kindness. Before she went back into the kitchen, she smiled at the waiting gang. "Have fun, boys," she said sweetly.

The others sweatdropped at this sudden change in attitude. "We will, Mrs. Uchiha."

Ten minutes later, a slightly grumpy-looking Itachi came back, this time carrying two duffle bags. Beside him, a five-year-old practically skipped, all bouncy with excitement.

"Remember to behave, Sasuke, honey!" Mikoto addressed the youngster as they passed the kitchen.

"Yes, mama!" he assured her happily, and a few seconds later, they had walked through the door, which Itachi closed behind them.

There was an almost embarrassing, silent moment as the two parties regarded each other: on one side, Itachi's assembled gang of best friends, most of them from foreign villages, and on the other hand, Itachi daring anybody to say something with those glares of his that said a thousand words, and Sasuke, who was beaming like mad.

When nothing was said for almost ten seconds, the little one decided to take matters into his own hands: "Hi! I'm Sasuke, who are you?" he asked cheerfully, extending his hand to the person who stood closest to him – which happened to be Kisame, Itachi's closest friend of the gang.

Of course, Sasuke didn't know **exactly** who they were; he knew that his brother had friends, yet they had never been in their house, so he had never met them before. Furthermore, Itachi had no pictures of them in his room as he shielded his private life very carefully, particularly from the eyes of his stern father. The gang, on the other hand, may have never met Sasuke in person before, but they had seen pictures of the boy: Itachi always carried at least one in his wallet. And his brother was mentioned rather frequently when he told stories of all kinds.

Kisame gave the boy a short taste of his shark-teethed smile and briefly shook his hand. "I am Kisame."

"Hi Kisame!" Sasuke said politely. His cuteness made just about any adult and even most people of Itachi's age coo with adornment, but Itachi's friends were way different: they were known as "freaky folk" and weren't affected in the same way by certain things, including the cuteness of certain little kids.

"Let's get this over with quickly, okay?" Itachi remarked briskly and proceeded to introduce Sasuke to his friends in the fast-and-simple way: "These are Hidan, Pein, Konan, Kakuzu, Tobi, Deidara, Sasori and Zetsu." Of course, this all went way too fast for Sasuke, but Itachi wanted to get going, and he had faith in his comrades that they would be friendly enough to repeat their names in case his sibling would ask.

"So, this is the brat…" Pein muttered, regarding Sasuke as if he were a cockroach. Itachi shot him a brief glare – even though he usually put on a "tough" act in front of his friends, he did care for Sasuke very much and didn't like hearing him being called nasty names.

"Let's go already, un!" the blond, Deidara, prompted them impatiently.

"Right. Let's go," Itachi agreed instantly, hurrying Sasuke along and thus temporarily ending potential conversations or even arguments.

"Candy great! Now we're supposed to be marshmallow babysitters?!" Hidan grumbled as they walked off.

"So it seems. Unless you'd like to convince Mrs. Uchiha to spare us of that fate," Konan replied flatly.

Hidan remained silent. He may be hot-tempered, but after having gotten a taste of what Mikoto Uchiha could be like when someone argued with her, even he decided to take the situation as it was. Nobody who was right in their mind would object to someone who was fully willing to put Itachi on a dango diet…! However, that didn't keep him from uttering a prayer to Jashin, asking for whatever power he needed to get through the ordeal.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

It turned out that it was the first time that Sasuke went to the public pool. His eyes were sparkling with excitement, yet he always stayed at Itachi's side, one hand clinging to the trouser leg of the elder's shorts.

"These prices are horrific! Is everybody in Konoha rich or something?!" Kakuzu spluttered as they stood just before the entrance booth to purchase tickets.

"This is not expensive," Itachi pointed out, rooting around in his duffle bag, his face almost not visible anymore as he searched for his wallet. Sasuke watched this action with wide eyes.

"Rip-off…" Kakuzu insisted, glaring at the cashier, who was watching the bathing people wistfully.

"Can we get going already, un?!" Deidara was itching to get into the water.

"Go ahead; my wallet is running from me," Itachi grumbled, his mind cursing nonstop as he continued his search – now his face disappeared in the duffle bag.

"Is there no age limitation so we could leave the brat behind anyway?" Pein wondered as most of them approached the cashier.

"He's not bothering you, so there's no need to be so mean," Konan reprimanded him.

"You mean **you'd** hang out with him?" Pein looked horrified at the very thought.

His blue-haired girlfriend shrugged indifferently. "No, that's not what I meant. I'm not willing to interact with him. I'm just telling you this for your own good; I doubt that Itachi will overhear your insults forever."

"Hn," Pein grumbled and paid for their tickets. When it was Zetsu's turn for the latest, the cashier freaked out for good. Seeing an extra mouth on each of Deidara's palms didn't exactly help him recover, either.

"Itachi…" Kisame fidgeted as he waited for his friend.

A muffled voice said something, but the fish-like boy couldn't understand a word.

"Aniki…?" Sasuke wondered and tugged at his brother's trouser leg.

"What?!" Itachi almost snapped, his face suddenly reappearing. He hated his wallet when it was stubborn in times like these.

Sasuke immediately switched to the sad, guilty puppy-eyes as he stared at the elder, whose right eyebrow was twitching restlessly in his stressed state. Kisame cleared his throat and inched closer to his friend, then whispered into his ear:

"Why don't you just stuff the kid into the sack and have **him** find the wallet for you…?"

He shut up when a menacing glare was directed to him.

"Hey, we'll go change and find a good spot if you don't catch up to us, okay?" Tobi called back to them. Like Sasuke earlier, he was bouncy with excitement. His friends all agreed that he was hyperactive but unwilling to admit that.

"Will we find them?" Sasuke asked, cocking his head.

"We're sherbet accompanied by a guy with a chocolate Venus flytrap on his pizza head! What do **you** think?!" Hidan asked irritably, having heard the youngster's comment and dutifully ignoring Zetsu's displeased pout at this not nice, but very accurate description of him.

Sasuke shrugged innocently, and the foul-mouthed religious fanatic stormed off before he would sacrifice him to Jashin on the spot. Even if that would mean paying for a new entrance ticket, which consequentially would lead to a nervous breakdown on Kakuzu's part.

Several seemingly endless minutes later, Itachi had **finally** found his prized wallet, though only after having emptied almost all the contents of his duffle bag. With a totally messed-up hairdo and breathing like a rhinoceros with asthma to calm down again, he paid for himself and Sasuke, and when Kisame had gotten his ticket too, they were finally at the pool. Particularly Itachi was beginning to wonder if he would survive this afternoon if his luck would remain as crappy as it had been so far. Two minutes later, he also wondered the same about Sasuke as Hidan attempted to exit the locker room in the nude…

* * *

I'd be very happy to hear what you think! So if you could spare the time, please review...

On a final note: I'd like to thank **Art is a bang XD** for letting me use her technqiue considering Hidan's swear words! It's so much fun to do that... :)


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the second chapter - for your pleasure, I hope! I mean, hopefully it's still funny... (remember, I'm not familiar with writing multi-chapter funny stories)

Usually, I have more to say than just this, but right now, I just don't. But I suppose no one sheds tears over short author's notes, right? ;)

On with the story!

* * *

"Dammit, Hidan, put on your trunks!" Itachi blurted out as he quickly covered Sasuke's eyes.

"Aniki, let go!" the boy squeaked, trying to get away, but Itachi held him in place.

"It's chicken **hot** out there! And orange clothes are rather troublesome anyway! Seriously, I thought you knew me gravy better by now!" the other teen huffed, stretching instead.

"You're so embarrassing…" Kakuzu sighed, covering his own eyes.

"And you **aren't**? Acting like a grapefruit pansy every time we want to spend money…" Hidan sneered.

"Honestly; one would think you could handle the problem by yourselves…!" Sasori growled and wrapped a towel around Hidan's waist from behind, all too easily avoiding the glare he received for that action.

"Thank you, Sasori," Itachi told the redhead gratefully, then he quickly ushered Sasuke along before Hidan would remove the towel by force.

"**Someone's** gotta act their age around here," Sasori muttered, picking up his bag again.

"You're just a bore, un!" Deidara teased, poking him.

"Watch your mouth!" came the warning.

"Which one?" Deidara grinned, holding up his hands and laughing when he saw Sasori's lips twist into something that could only be described as an annoyed pout.

In a matter of minutes, the gang had changed and retrieved Konan from the girls' changing room, and they were off to find a suitable spot to claim as their own. It was all a matter of timing, since the pool was very well-visited today.

"We haven't even been here for five minutes yet, and I want to drown that kid," Pein grumbled as he shuffled along behind them, glaring at Sasuke's back.

"What did he do now?" Konan asked in a bored voice, expecting another excuse that was rather silly.

"Itachi totally freaked out when Hidan wanted to leave the locker room. Everyone has to act… you know, **reasonable** just because that little twit is here!"

"Let me guess: Hidan wanted to be naked in public again?"

"…"

"I thought you disapproved of that as well. Don't go blaming everything on Sasuke simply because it's not just the ten of us for a change."

"…Remind me again why you're defending him?" Pein asked slowly. He just got an irritated sigh from Konan.

Up ahead, trouble was abound as the others tried to agree where they should settle down:

"There's a free spot!" Zetsu said, pointing. **"Idiot! There should be someone we can eat nearby!"** his black half argued instantly.

"Tobi doesn't want to be totally in the sun! Tobi would be like a lobster by the end of the day!" the mask-wearing one of them whined.

"Shut up, Tobi," almost everyone said.

"But you dry much slower in the shade," Sasori pointed out.

"I agree, un!" Deidara announced. Of course, since he and Sasori came from villages with dry and mostly sunny weather, they didn't mind being totally exposed to the sunlight so much.

Itachi counted to three as he felt the first signs of an oncoming migraine. It was always the same when they went somewhere together; always those petty arguments that would last sheer forever at times…

"Can't we just take that turkey spot at that tree there? Then you banana whiners will maybe be happy at last, by Jashin!" Hidan said loudly and pointed to the spot he had seen.

The gang shut up and checked out his suggestion. Half a minute of silence later, quiet mutters of agreement could be heard, and they trooped to the spot and spread themselves out generously.

"Finally! Now for the water, un!" Deidara cried happily and bounded off. "C'mon, Sasori-danna!" he called over his shoulder.

"You forgot the sunscreen!" the very heat-resistant redhead retorted, but Deidara was long-gone. "Not again… Sheesh, when will he ever listen to me?! Note to self: let him deal with the consequences all by himself this time…" he softly chanted to himself as he strolled off to the pool as well before Deidara would come back and drag him along like an over-enthusiastic three-year-old.

"Quick, aniki, let's go too!" Sasuke urged Itachi, who had sat down on the queen-sized towel that bore the crest of the Uchiha clan.

"Not so fast, otouto," said older brother protested and held the youngster back, making him sit down. "First, I need to put suntan lotion on you."

"But Itachi –"

"Believe me; it is essential. You'll be thankful to avoid a sunburn – that hurts, you know," Itachi reasoned and extracted the tube from the duffle bag.

With an all too obvious sigh that showed his strained agreement, Sasuke stayed put and crossed his arms sulkily as Itachi began to apply the sunscreen. But although the little one seemed to pout, his inner self was thoroughly enjoying getting pampered by his brother like that. Itachi's inner self felt similarly.

"Kakuzu, could you do us a favor?" Konan asked from where she and Pein had settled down on the towel they used together.

"It depends," their money-obsessed friend said suspiciously.

"Hold on to our wallets," the girl told him, and he brightened visibly.

"Why didn't you say so from the get-go?! Sure, fork 'em over!"

Giving the wallets to Kakuzu was one of the safest bets they could make, for he always kept a really close eye on money. He tried to spend as little as possible, therefore there also wasn't any need to fear that he would spend money that wasn't his. Within a minute, Kisame, Hidan, Zetsu, Tobi and Itachi had handed over their wallets as well. Assuming that Deidara and Sasori would have done the same, Kakuzu took the liberty of pinching theirs as well. He looked a little kid on Christmas Day when he eyed the little bag that was stuffed to the max with his friends' probably most valuable belongings.

"**Move over into the sun! It's too shady!"** "No, it's not!" **"Turn around, you idiot!"** Zetsu was having yet another argument with himself as he kept wandering from the shadows into the sun and back again. It served as a really comical sight, which Kisame watched with apparent amusement.

"Hey cheapskate, let's get out of this sorbet sun and into the garlic water as well," Hidan challenged Kakuzu.

"I'll give you a dollar if you don't cuss within the next minute," Kakuzu suggested with an evil grin.

"Jelly sweet!" No sooner had the words left his lips when Hidan actually gawked at nothing in particular for a second. Kakuzu grinned.

"Such a simpleton… no wonder I always win when betting against you!"

"Aw, chocolate vanilla ice cream!" their white-haired comrade hissed, angry at himself while Itachi – as if having foreseen such an outburst – pretended to be applying lotion to Sasuke's ears as he covered them with his hands until Hidan had finished his cursing.

"Anyway; sure, dude, let's do it," Kakuzu agreed nonetheless as he stuffed the gathered wallets into his bag. He had personally stated that stealing something out of his bag was indeed very hard to do (there were rumors that he had somehow equipped his bag with a funky security system). He had never been pick-pocketed before, so he was the one and only record holder of the gang in that respect. Yet another reason to entrust their money to him…

"Come on, Sasuke, turn around," Itachi told his younger brother, and the little boy obeyed. He also spread his arms like his sibling told him to, then Itachi's palms were all over his front, carefully covering everything with the sunscreen.

Ignorant to Zetsu's still on-going argument, Konan watched this interaction, though judging by her facial expression, she could just as well have spaced out. When Itachi got around to the finishing touches, however – in other words, taking care of Sasuke's face – and the younger Uchiha giggled as his cheeks and the tip of his nose got rubbed, the corners of Konan's mouth twitched upwards with the ghost of a smile. Beside her, Pein was watching Sasuke enviously, fitfully wondering what he could do to get her attention without coming across as a total pervert.

Finally, Itachi was done, and Sasuke hastily rose. "C'mon, aniki!"

"I still have to put sunscreen on myself. Why don't you go ahead? But promise me to stay in the shallow water, okay?"

Sasuke saluted him briefly. "I promise!"

Itachi was rather pleased to see that miraculously, Tobi was still hanging around. "Hey Tobi, could you do me a favor?" he asked his friend.

"Tobi is a good boy! What can he do for Itachi?" the teen asked eagerly.

"Go with Sasuke and keep an eye on him until I'm coming too," Itachi ordered.

"Sure thing, Itachi! Come, Sasuke!" Tobi chirped merrily and took Sasuke's hand in his own. The child laughed happily, and together, they skipped off to the shallow water.

"Someone ought to check how old that guy really is," Pein deadpanned.

"It has its advantages," Itachi shrugged and began to rub suntan lotion onto his skin.

"Last one in the water is a rotten egg!" Kakuzu declared, jumping up.

"Damn straight!" Hidan chimed in and left his towel behind in a non-existent cloud of dust as he and Kakuzu made a mad dash for the deep-water pool.

"Wait for me, guys!" Kisame called after them, leaving their temporary campsite too.

"…But…!" By the time Itachi uttered that single word with a rather helpless look on his face, Kisame had just hit the customary showers before going into the water. Barely suppressing an almost hurt whine in the back of his throat, Itachi looked around to see who was still around, for Kisame had apparently forgotten their "tradition" that he helped Itachi out when it came to sunscreen.

Pein, Konan and Zetsu. Out of the three, he would prefer Konan to help him out, but Pein could be dreadfully touchy in such subjects. Apparently, he already thought that Konan was only allowed to touch **him** from now on. Sure, the girl had her own way plenty of times, but lately, it seemed that she was agreeing with Pein on the touching issue… And since Pein surely wouldn't be willing to lend a helping hand, there was only one option left.

"Um… Zetsu, could you quickly help me out?" Itachi asked hesitantly, slowly turning to their plant-like friend.

"Sure, Itachi!" **"D'you think his hair tastes like noodles?"** "Oh, knock it –"

"Don't you **dare** eat my hair!" Itachi snapped, dropping the bottle of suntan lotion and gripping his ponytail with both hands. It didn't matter that the leftover lotion on his hands got in his hair, anyway; the pool water would take care of that, though it was debatable whether the replacement of chlorine was a better alternative. What it all came down to was that he took **very** good care of his hair, and that included stopping people from eating it.

"Hey, I wasn't going to eat it!" **"**_**I**_** was!"** "You always ruin everything for me!" **"Do not!"** "Do too! I'm glad that I even _have_ friends!" **"Is it **_**my**_** fault that I'm so unique…?!"**

Irritated by the argument, Itachi cast a brief, wistful glance at Konan, who just looked at him with her usual rather emotionless stare. Pein seemed to be the only one who got real emotions out of her. Unfortunately, said piercing-loving boy noticed even that short look and gave Itachi his worst death glare, which made the older Uchiha try to get back on topic.

"Zetsu…!"

"Sorry, Itachi, I was just trying to reason with this moron…" **"**_**Who**_** are you calling a moron?!"** "Just shut up and let me help Itachi!" the white half snarled, and for once – and the angels started singing in the heavens – the black side indeed shut up and sulked while Zetsu's good-natured side had resurfaced for good and helped rub the lotion on Itachi's back. In secret, though, the bad side's gleaming eye hungrily eyed the long hair strands, wondering about their taste… and eventually, what a whole Uchiha would taste like. Chicken, perhaps? Or a real juicy steak? Ah, the possibilities…!

The original plan had been to join Sasuke as soon as the suntan lotion had been applied, but time passed by, and still Itachi was sitting on his towel, meanwhile having gotten engaged in a conversation with Konan, primarily. Also, Zetsu's black side decided that it had been quiet for way too long (read: two minutes) and was craving to try the raven hair once more, which drove the white side to inch back to a safety distance in order not get into a fight with Itachi. Therefore, it took him much, much longer to complete his task. But while Itachi and Konan were discussing the matter that was Sasuke, said boy's adventure at the pool was just about to start…

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Ah, danna, you lost again, un!" Deidara exclaimed when first a redhead and then Kisame resurfaced, the shark-boy grinning smugly and barely out of breath.

Sasori, on the other hand, was gasping like a beached fish. "**You** try and stay underwater longer than Kisame then, Mr. Smartypants! See how **you **fare!" he said grumpily.

"Piece of –" Deidara began, but Kakuzu cut him off:

"But no using your palms to breathe, you cheat!"

Their game was betting who could stay underwater the longest with a dollar at stake each time. So naturally, Kakuzu didn't tolerate cheating.

"Darn, un!" Deidara grumbled, and the mouths on his palms stuck out their tongues.

"Hey Hidan, c'mon in too! I thought you wanted to go swimming!" Kakuzu reminded his friend, who was standing at the rail a few feet away from the pool and looking down at the shallow water.

"Whatcha watching?" Kisame asked.

"I was thinking about what a steak sacrifice that bread little brother of Itachi's would make," Hidan answered, not turning his head at all.

"I thought torturing yourself is sacrificial enough," Sasori said, resting his arms on the edge of the pool.

"Jashin doesn't say no to other offerings."

"Itachi will nail you with his Sharingan if you do that, un," Deidara warned him.

"What he doesn't tomato know doesn't make him hot. He's in no butter hurry to go anywhere," came the casual response.

The others looked back to their spot, and indeed, Itachi was still talking to Konan and having Zetsu help him with the lotion.

"Let's get him up here," Kakuzu suddenly said.

"Who?" Kisame asked.

"Sasuke, of course!"

"Are you sure? You think he can swim?" Sasori inquired.

"We'll see," Kakuzu retorted nonchalantly.

"And if he drowns, it'll be a sugar sacrifice!" Hidan agreed eagerly.

"Let's go!"

Together, he and Kakuzu leaped over the railing to the lower stage of the pool.

"Itachi won't be happy," Kisame said doubtfully.

"If things continue like this and he won't go anywhere soon, all we need to do is keep Sasuke from drowning, un."

"Looks like you're supporting Kakuzu and Hidan's plan," Sasori commented dryly. When he got an affirmative nod, he shrugged. "Oh well, what the heck."

"Hn," Kisame uttered as he dove under again.

* * *

So much for that... now, I have written a tiny bit ahead of this, but I've realized that I kinda messed it up, so I'll do my very best to not keep you waiting too long for the next update, though I don't dare to make any actual promises. Please bear with me...

Hope you liked this - and please leave a review! It would be greatly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

I know this chapter is noticeably longer than the last one, but I just couldn't bring myself to cut it off sooner. It was just so much fun to write... ;)

As usual, I hope it's okay - let's see what you think! Et voilà, chapter 3!

* * *

Meanwhile…

"Hey, squirt."

Hearing a voice right behind him, Sasuke turned around and looked up into the deviously grinning faces of two of his brother's friends. He didn't remember their names.

"Yes?" he asked innocently.

"Aren't you bored in this water? We could take you somewhere where you'll have lots more fun." He jabbed his thumb to the upper level.

"Really? Fun?" Sasuke's eyes shone with excitement.

"Sure. So, what d'you say?"

"Yay!" The boy stood up and latched onto Kakuzu's leg. Hidan stifled a laugh.

"Don't, you bastard," Kakuzu growled at him. A shadow came over his face when the white-haired teen's shoulders shook with the now desperate effort.

"But Tobi heard Itachi say that Sasuke should stay in these waters! And Tobi promised to be a good boy!" Tobi protested.

"Don't coffee worry, Tobi. You're still a salad good boy," Hidan assured him, much as he wanted to gag at the words that came out of his mouth.

"Really? Yay, Tobi is a good boy!" their weird comrade cheered, clapping his hands.

"We need to ditch him, or else he'll follow us," Kakuzu muttered to Hidan, who nodded before the former continued in a normal tone of voice again: "Hey Tobi, why don't you go check this place out and look for something we could do later on? Like, if there are any games or likewise – for free, of course?"

"I'd be happy to, Kakuzu! Tobi will inform you later on!" All too eager to get on with the job, Tobi left the water and streaked off, not looking back once. He was so easily distracted…

"Let's get the corn out of here," Hidan said quickly, and Kakuzu gladly complied, since that would mean getting rid of Sasuke, who was still clutching his leg.

One mighty leap later, they had rejoined their friends, and Sasuke stood at the edge of the deeper pool, knitting his brow when he couldn't see the bottom as clearly as before.

"Well? Come on in, un!" Deidara encouraged him.

"Aniki said that I should stay in the shallow water. I promised him," Sasuke replied unsurely, fidgeting in an adorable way.

"He just said that because Tobi's afraid of the deep water and wouldn't be able to look after you properly, un! But hey, now you've got us!" Deidara persisted.

Sasuke tilted his head, still not quite sure, but when he saw how easily Kisame handled himself (the teen was most likely imagining that he was frolicking with fishy friends in a coral reef), he decided that it probably wasn't dangerous – and maybe his brother wouldn't get too angry if he would sidestep the rules this once. As this decision was made, his face brightened, and the others knew their plan hadn't gone to the dogs.

No sooner had the youngster gotten into the water when it became apparent that he could only swim in the doggie-paddle style. Also, he didn't go far away from the edge – and that gave the teenagers an idea.

"Hey Sasuke, I'll race you, un!" Deidara challenged him.

Since he was blissfully unaware that he was beyond chanceless, Sasuke agreed right away. "Okay! Where to?"

"Could someone play finish line for us, un?"

"No pickle way. I'm getting in myself," Hidan snorted and dove into the water before protest could be initiated.

"How much will you pay me?" Kakuzu asked.

"**Pay** you?! All you need to do is **stand** there, un! That's a rip-off!" Deidara yelled.

"Do you want a finish line or not, idiot?"

"Danna, un…" Deidara whined, turning to Sasori.

"No," the redhead spoke firmly.

"Grr…" Since Kisame still hadn't returned to the surface yet, the blond art lover was left with no other choice. "Fine, fine… two bucks."

"Five."

"What?! No way, un! Three!"

"Four, and that's final!"

"You money-hogging bastard…"

"Listen, buster, I'm making sure that your wallet is safe too, so be generous and grateful!"

"I'll be **generous** for now, un," Deidara muttered sullenly, then snapped out of it as he said: "Okay; whoever reaches Kakuzu first, wins."

Sasuke nodded his head vigorously while Kakuzu walked away a bit until Deidara signaled for him to stop. As the two unequal contestants got ready, Hidan lazily leaned against the edge of the pool, smirking at the pointlessness of this little race.

"Ready… set… go!" Kakuzu prompted them.

Sasuke tried his very best and managed to splash a considerable amount of water out of the pool, but Deidara didn't make half the mess as he crawled to Kakuzu. Admittedly, the victory hadn't been gained under entirely fair conditions, but he – like most others – hadn't just put up with the little one's presence only to act all girly and put forth less effort than he really could.

"Ha, you lose!" he called triumphantly when he crossed the finish line.

"Aw…" Sasuke went, but still he looked rather happy.

"Time to put the eggplant's skills to the test," Hidan grinned evilly and raised his voice: "Oi, how about if you show us how curry brave you really are and race me to the other side?"

"I don't know…" Sasuke murmured, looking rather fearful at the outlook of crossing the pool. It sure looked like a darn long way to him.

"I'll give you a caramel head start," Hidan offered in a slightly failed attempt at a buddy-like, singsong voice.

As if he had only just noticed this, Sasuke asked: "Why don't I ever hear aniki say the words you say…?"

Deidara looked at Sasori and sweatdropped. "Oops, un… How are we gonna explain this one to Itachi…?"

"Don't change the bloody subject! So, what do you say?" Hidan asked harshly.

"Okay!" Sasuke had no idea that he had touched a nerve.

"Finally… Scrooge, do the vinegar countdown!"

"Oh brother… well: ready, steady, go!"

Sasuke looked really funny as like before, he was practically flailing as he desperately tried to make the most of the head start since there was no telling how long it would last. As Hidan watched the little one slowly advance, he figured that he could start swimming when Sasuke was three quarters of the way across and he would still win. But Sasuke had barely completed one third of the way when the follower of Jashin launched into action, overtaking the young Uchiha in a matter of a minute, plowing through the water like a torpedo.

"What a lousy sport," Kakuzu sighed, sitting down on the pool's edge.

"Hey, what's going on?" Kisame asked, making his appearance again.

"Maybe if you wouldn't stay underwater so long all the time, fish-face, you'd understand better, un," Deidara sniggered.

"Don't make me bite you!" Kisame growled.

"Hidan is racing Sasuke to the other end of the pool," Sasori drawled.

Kisame looked – and barely ten seconds later, Hidan had reached the finish line. Sasuke was in the middle of the pool, surrounded by reckless teenagers and older people who dutifully swam their laps while being totally ignorant of other swimmers. By now, the small raven-haired boy was struggling even more than before, and he uttered a squeak before he went under.

"Hmm?" Kakuzu hummed when they watched that.

Sasuke suddenly broke the surface again, spluttering a "Help!" that was practically inaudible over the noise around them and the splashing he himself was making. Then he went under again, his hand reaching above the surface once more.

"You think he's having problems?" Kakuzu asked his colleagues.

"If he is, he already had them before too. I mean, seriously, has anyone of you wondered if bringing him here was such a good idea after all, un? Hidan could rub off on him soon, and then who's gonna explain to Itachi why Sasuke suddenly says stuff like cereal and milk?" Deidara rambled.

"Shut up, moron," Sasori reprimanded him, "Remember that Itachi is occupied otherwise. And if you could just hold your tongue for once, he never even needs to find out at all."

Deidara splashed water into the redhead's face. "Yeah, maybe, but when he **isn't** anymore, **you** probably won't be the one to save our asses from getting into trouble, un! And besides, **Sasuke** is the one who probably shouldn't be learning bad language already…!"

"Guys, I think something is definitely wrong here. I don't think he can swim half as well as we assumed," Kisame interrupted, watching the bubbles become fewer and fewer where Sasuke had last been seen.

"Hey! Where did the raspberry go? To the fishies or what?" Hidan yelled from the other side.

"Argh! That idiot!" Kakuzu cursed and hastily looked around for the lifeguard: a man with bushy white hair sitting in a high chair. He was wielding binoculars, but was looking in another direction (at girls in tiny bikinis happily frolicking in the water below, to be precise).

"You don't suppose he's drowning, un?" Captain Obvious finally said.

"…Why yes, I think he is." Sasori sounded mildly concerned, though his face was still void of all emotions.

"Dammit! Itachi will kill us!" As if his common sense had abruptly kicked in (finally!), Kisame dove again and headed in a straight line for the source of the bubbles.

"We could be in deep shit now," Kakuzu sighed, glancing to where Itachi was still talking to Konan and now Zetsu as well, and prayed that the first-mentioned wouldn't choose this exact moment to look around.

Underwater, Kisame had already reached the middle of the pool. Sasuke's struggles to return to the surface had lessened drastically because he was tired; he wasn't used to swimming for so long. No wonder Itachi had asked for him to stay in shallow water. The onyx eyes were only half-open, and the bubbles that left his mouth were getting smaller and smaller. As he drew close, Kisame saw the boy look at him, but no recognition was visible in his gaze. He probably was half out of everything. Then the eyes closed, and his movements stopped. Hissing and releasing a stream of bubbles from his gills, Kisame quickly grabbed Sasuke around the middle and pushed off the ground hard. Like a merman, he broke the surface and headed for Hidan's side of the pool as fast as he could. At the other side, the rest of them got wide eyes and left the water to hurry over.

There were large concrete steps next to the pool, and on one of those, Kisame laid Sasuke down. The others gathered around closely in order to shield them from sight.

"Sasuke! Hey, kiddo! Wake up!" Kisame shook the youngster a bit, but upon getting no reaction, he hissed again and started to try and pump the water out of Sasuke. He couldn't see it, but by now, all the others had a certain degree of concern (or certainly something that came close to that) on their faces. Deidara even was whimpering.

"Oh God, Itachi will kill us a thousand times, un…!"

"Oh **Jashin**!" Hidan snapped testily.

Deidara glared at him, and one of his extra mouths stuck out its tongue.

"Come on, come **on**…" Kisame muttered uneasily as he continued his efforts, watching little squirts of water leave Sasuke's lips.

"Hurry up already!" Kakuzu urged him.

"I'm trying, I'm trying!" Kisame snarled.

"Do CPR or something!" Sasori chimed in.

"Eew, he'd catch tuna kiddie cooties!" Hidan exclaimed with a shudder at the thought.

"Idiot! You're exposing Kisame! Get back in line!"

"Hey, don't yank my shoulder like that, you stitch-faced idiot!"

"**You're** the idiot!"

And thus another quarrel between Hidan and Kakuzu commenced. By now, Kisame was really struggling to keep his calm; **he** was the one doing all the work and trying to revive a cockroach, as Pein certainly would have put it, had he been present just then. Instead of worrying, **he** would probably have a laughing fit!

"He's gonna look over here any moment now, un! We're gonna die! He'll rip us apart and feed us to Kisame or something, un!" Deidara wailed, flapping his arms in all-too-evident distress. He looked as if he would start foaming at the mouth or likewise.

"Shut up, all of you!" Kisame finally cracked and shot all of them a menacing glare. "Deidara, shut the cocktail up! Kiss Sasori or something, but just shut **up**! The same goes for you two," he told Hidan and Kakuzu (Kakuzu seemed to be trying to bite off Hidan's ear while the latter was proceeding to rip open Kakuzu's stitches).

"The shrimp still hasn't woken up?" Kakuzu asked in a muffled voice, given that Hidan's ear was still captured between his teeth.

"No." Kisame swallowed. "I'm gonna have to do CPR, and fast." He looked back to where their towels were, and suddenly his skin became a very pale blue indeed. It was close enough to white. "Oh, crap!" he cursed, then scooped up Sasuke in his arms and hastily elbowed his way through his friends' ranks before hurrying to the closest bushes in the vicinity.

"What gives, man?!" Hidan asked irritably.

"Itachi's looking around!" was all their fishy peer said in response.

The others looked at each other, horrified, and uttered in unison: "Holy boloney!" In a mere matter of seconds, all of them had sought refuge in the same bushes as Kisame, who took a deep breath before bending down and intensifying his actions to revive the young Uchiha…

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"…so mom threw one of her worst fits ever when Sasuke almost fell into the washing machine. It took me practically forever to regain her trust that I could keep an eye on him, and– Zetsu, stay away from my hair," Itachi said warningly, glaring at the one sitting almost behind him.

"**But I'm **_**hungry**_**!"** the black side growled.

"I don't care; you're not eating my hair. And stop drooling on my shoulder."

"**But you won't let me eat any other people either! And towels don't taste good at all!"**

"Zetsu, **no**."

"Go buy a hotdog or a salad, then," Konan suggested.

"But I'm not a vegetarian. Plus, I'm not exactly fond of the idea to try and pinch my wallet from Kakuzu's bag. I mean, who knows what's in there…?" the white half replied.

"…Touché," she admitted after a brief moment of consideration. Just then, Pein suddenly started humming a tune. Konan, Itachi and Zetsu all stared at him as if he had just said that he wanted to cuddle Sasuke.

"…What?" he asked defiantly.

"You're singing in public," Itachi pointed out.

"I'm still getting used to hear you sing in the shower, you know," Konan added.

"You sing in the shower?!" Zetsu asked incredulously while he goggled at the self-proclaimed leader of the gang.

"Hey, I just like that tune, okay?!" Pein defended himself, "And in case you haven't noticed: it seems to be coming from your bag, Itachi."

"Oh yeah, you're right. I'll just be a moment," he excused himself as he dug out his cell phone and flipped it open. "Yeah?" he asked.

"_Honey, is everything alright?"_ a worried voice inquired.

"Mom!" Itachi exclaimed, surprised that she was calling him, "Of course everything's okay – what wouldn't be?"

As Mikoto proceeded to explain that her motherly senses had shot to red alert all of a sudden, Zetsu checked in a not-so-discrete way if anyone was looking, then he scuttled off to the nearest person. Pein and Konan raised their voices in a half-hearted attempt to call him back, but all too soon, the victim, a lonesome young woman, was quickly being reduced to a mere shadow of what she had once been. It was a show complete with all the noises that went with it.

"_Good grief, Itachi, what did I tell you about table manners?__!"_ Mikoto remarked when Zetsu's delighted chomping, smacking and slurping could clearly be heard over the phone.

"But I'm not even sitting at a table! And besides, that's not **me**!" Itachi quickly defended himself and glanced over his shoulder, "Zetsu's eating somebody again!"

"_Oh. Someone I know?"_

"I don't think so, no; not this time…"

"_Just remember what your father told you about cannibalism."_

"Yeah, yeah, I know; a good prodigy doesn't do cannibalism," Itachi drawled. It had been the same old story ever since somehow, his father had learnt that one of his friends' favorite food was human flesh. Why he thought that his own son would adopt that habit as well, however, was beyond Itachi.

Figuring that it was for the best to change the subject quickly, he tried to remind her why she had called in the first place: "Didn't you say something about a weird feeling?"

"_I explained it to you before, dear, weren't you listening?"_

"I couldn't hear you so well over Zetsu's pigging-out." He shot a pointed look at the one in question, who merely grinned like a Cheshire cat. Itachi raised his eyebrow at the fingers that were stuck between the teeth.

"_Well, since apparently everything is okay with __**you**__, I was wondering how Sasuke is doing,"_ she told him.

"He's fine, mom. He's –" In the water, he had wanted to say when he looked in the direction he had last seen his mother's precious little darling scamper off to, but when he discovered that neither Sasuke nor Tobi were where they were supposed to be, his original response got changed for the worst: "– gone!"

"_**Gone**__?!"_

'_Sweet potatoes__!'_ he thought, then hastily corrected himself: "Gone… I mean, he has gone under! Ah, Tobi's there, though; nothing to worry about, okay? Bye, mom!" He hung up and tossed the phone back into his bag as if it had suddenly become poisonous.

"S'up?" Zetsu asked, ambling back to his friends as he licked his lips in order not miss a speck of blood.

"Sasuke! Where is he?!" Itachi exclaimed, frantically looking around for his brother.

"Relax, man. Just because he's not where you left him doesn't mean something bad happened," Pein deadpanned.

"The last time I lost track of Sasuke, he almost fell into the washing machine! And if he would drown or something, I can kiss mom's trust goodbye for-cupcake-ever!" Itachi retorted shrilly.

Pein merely shrugged, but Konan made a shushing gesture. "Itachi, keep it down. Maybe Tobi just took him to the snack bar."

"Hey, that's it!" The elder Uchiha snapped his fingers, then cupped his hands around his mouth and hollered: "Tooooooooooobi!" It sounded as if he were calling upon a servant in a big-ass mansion.

"Oh no…!" Zetsu and Pein groaned. "Did you **have** to call that idiot? What makes you even think he'll hear you?"

"Doesn't he always?" Itachi simply asked back, and the others silenced, figuring that answering that question would be a waste of breath.

And sure enough: they hadn't waited for longer than two minutes when Tobi came scurrying up to them. He looked so hyper that the rest of the gang wouldn't have been surprised if he had come running on all fours like an eager young animal. Tobi skidded to a halt in front of Itachi.

"You called Tobi?" he asked eagerly.

"Indeed. Listen, mister, where the hell is Sasuke?" Itachi asked darkly.

Tobi tried to look as innocent as possible. "Well, Tobi was with him like you told Tobi to… then Hidan and Kakuzu came –"

Itachi looked mortified. "No…! Not Hidan and Kakuzu! Tobi, for once, **please** tell me you're pulling my leg!"

Instead, the Uchiha received the incredulous «What?!» look. "But… no, of course not! Tobi is a good boy, after all," the other teen added in a small voice.

"I'm doomed," Itachi sighed heavily and face-palmed.

"Whoa, whoa… reality check here. What's the worst that could happen?" Zetsu said in an all-too-poor attempt to calm Itachi down.

"Do we **want** to dream up the answers to that question?" Konan wondered.

"No, we don't," Pein answered just for the heck of it, "We're just gonna have a good time. I didn't come all the way to Konoha to have my afternoon ruined because someone's missing."

"Well, tough toast, Pein! That 'someone' just happens to be my **brother**!" Itachi spat and stood up. "And I'm gonna find him! Tobi, you must come as well!"

"Yes, Itachi!" came the obedient reply.

"Zetsu, maybe you could look around too…?"

"Can I eat someone? You know, if I just can't help it anymore…" **"I'm hungry again…"**

"Right now, I really don't give a rat's ass," Itachi stated bluntly.

"**Boo-ya!"**

After sparing Pein one last glare, Itachi stormed off with Tobi hot on his heels.

Whistling idly, Zetsu melted into the ground only to pop up God (or Jashin)-knew-where-else on the pool grounds. Konan rolled her eyes.

"Nice going."

"What? What?!" Pein asked, looking taken aback.

"You know perfectly well that Itachi cares about Sasuke, so you shouldn't provoke him with statements like the last one you made. I don't care if you hate Sasuke, but Itachi is your friend – at least, that's what **I** thought. And I'll tell you something: I'll go ask a few people if they saw Sasuke. What **you** do now… is entirely up to you." Not apt to wait for upcoming protest, she stepped over him as soon as she was done talking and stalked off in the direction of the deep pool.

Pein growled at her retreating back. In his opinion, it was just like he had said at the beginning: everyone was going nuts just because a little kid was tagging along! But he **did** wish to make peace with Konan again, so grudgingly, he rose as well and slowly shuffled off in the general direction the blue-haired girl had chosen. After a few steps, he turned over a little stone with his foot, then shrugged.

"Nope; he's not there," he said to himself, then continued walking.

* * *

I hope this can keep you occupied/satisfy you until I've written the next chapter. I'll do my best to get that done as soon as possible - until then, bear with me.

Tell me what you think - I'm interested to know that!

That's all from me for now, so see ya next time!


	4. Chapter 4

Welcome to the fourth installment of this little story! I hope the wait wasn't too long, but it has been a while since I last typed chapters for stories that fast... _(sweatdrop)_

_Short recap: Sasuke almost drowned, and while those who are to blame for letting that happen are hiding out and trying to revive him, Itachi set out to find his brother with some half-hearted help from his friends..._

And now: onward with the story!

* * *

In the bushes, Kisame was becoming increasingly fond of the thought of biting each and every one of his comrades in the ass. And so it was with a vexed frown that he continued his efforts to revive Sasuke with CPR.

Hidan and Kakuzu were arguing again. Sometimes, being with them was like hanging out with an old married couple that just couldn't let off the petty arguments. But may whichever-higher-power-one-believed-in have mercy on those who dared to voice that comparison – it was remarkable how brilliantly the «couple» could work together to teach the unfortunate offender a lesson. And anyone who wasn't part of the gang tended to meet unpleasant deaths. The villages of Iwagakure and Kirigakure were familiar with this phenomenon, and both Hidan and Kakuzu were strictly forbidden to set foot in those villages ever again. Not that they gave a hoot in hell anyway, but still…

Deidara was still whining about how a certain someone whose name meant «weasel» would find and do something horrible to them.

"I'm too young to die! I don't wanna die, un! Save me, danna!" he pleaded, shaking Sasori's shoulders roughly.

"Shush already, you imbecile! We're **hiding** here, in case you haven't noticed!" the redhead hissed.

"But he'll find us anyway, un! He'll find us and butcher us and – mmpf!"

The rest of Deidara's anxious ranting was silenced when Sasori captured his lips in an unexpected and rather rough kiss. The sheer force of the experience made the blond whimper a bit, and he let himself get pushed to the ground, where Sasori pinned him down. Hidan and Kakuzu gawked at them, but were distracted soon enough when Kisame's relieved voice reached their ears:

"I did it! He's breathing! That's it, kiddo; breathe!"

Lots of spluttering could now be heard as well, and «the old married couple» peeked around the half-shark's shoulders to see Sasuke struggle to sit up, all the while coughing up some more water.

"Damn, I guess I'll have to wait for my chocolate sacrifice," Hidan sighed.

"That was too close… argh, no! Closer, **closer**! It's **still** close! Just stay absolutely quiet!" Kakuzu advised them, putting a finger to his lips and pointing to somewhere outside of the bushes. Kisame and Hidan looked too – only to curse under their breaths. While the religious one of the two successfully motioned to Sasori and Deidara to stay quiet, Kisame clamped a hand over Sasuke's mouth and also rendered the youngster motionless. Then they all froze, barely even daring to breathe.

"Pein, quit turning over those stupid stones! You're not going to find Sasuke there unless he somehow – only God would know how –" (Kakuzu covered Hidan's mouth just in time before the latter could scream "**Jashin**!") "– turned into a Lilliputian!"

"He already **is** a midget!"

"He's only five!"

"Whatever… Hey, at least I'm **looking**! You should give me credit for this!"

"Don't get started with that again…"

The bickering duo which still consisted of Konan and Pein passed the bushes where half of the gang was hidden. It looked as if they were heading for the snack bar. When the voices had faded away, everyone took a deep breath. Especially Sasuke, who had been close to suffocation to start with.

Gasping, the boy attempted to scoot away from the teenagers, but couldn't because Kisame was still holding on to him. Big black eyes regarded them fearfully. He looked as if he were about to cry – and boy, would that ever require an explanation, because for some reason, whenever children cried, some ladies popped up out of nowhere to ask why on earth the poor child was crying. That meant they would probably be busted…

"Um… hi. You okay? Ow! Hey, what was **that** for?!" Kisame growled when Kakuzu punched his shoulder.

"Dude, that was so lame…"

"Do it better then, hotshot!"

Hidan sniggered, which resulted in another punch from Kakuzu. As Sasuke frantically began to look around for his older brother, he spotted Sasori and Deidara, who were still kissing. Or at least, their lips were still meshed together.

"Damn; you sure took my advice, didn't you?" Kisame asked, noticing the pair.

Both boys blushed, and Sasori drew back from Deidara. "Well… you know…" he began, but gave up when he said the same thing three times.

The redhead was saved from further attempts to explain when Sasuke tried to escape from Kisame's grasp. "I want to go to aniki… please let me go…!"

"Don't let him escape, un!" Deidara warned.

"Can it! Do you want him to think we're holding him hostage or something?" Sasori scolded.

"Basically, that **is** what we're doing now, un."

"I thought you cherished your ass enough that you don't want Itachi to get wind of this."

"Oh yeah, I forgot…"

"There are few options: one, we make sure that he won't **ever** spill the beans. That would make all my previous efforts useless, however, so I'm against that," Kisame told them while Sasuke looked back and forth with big eyes as the conversation continued, "Or we could tell Itachi the truth and bear the consequences."

"That option stinks to the mushroom heavens!" Hidan snorted.

"Agreed, un!" Deidara declared loudly.

"Don't you ever shut up?" Kakuzu sighed, "But I do agree with you too."

"No surprise there. Therefore, since we're all willing to weasel our way out of trouble – no pun intended –" (the others snickered) "– then all that's left is bribery. Any suggestions?"

By now, they sounded as if they were having a business meeting and the discussion topic was how to properly promote their newest product: the product being Sasuke and the promotion being the bribery, of course, and with Kakuzu as the fiscal expert, as it turned out when a suggestion was made:

"Candy, un!"

Everyone stared at Deidara.

"…You actually said something useful. Congratulations," Sasori finally said.

"Thank you, danna!" his friend replied happily, glad to have gained the appreciation he clearly craved so much. He looked so happy that for once, nobody had the heart to point out that technically, he should feel insulted.

"Actually, he's right. Which kid doesn't like candy? You like candy, Sasuke?" Kisame asked.

"Um… yeah, sure. Why?" the boy asked.

"We're gonna get you something. But for that, we will need…" he trailed off, and all gazes swerved to Kakuzu.

"Oh no, don't say it…!" the one in question almost whined.

"Yes, money; you guessed correctly," Sasori remarked.

"The candidate gets 100 points, un!"

Slowly, his temporary kissing partner looked at him and stared for a few seconds before saying gravely: "You really need professional help."

Deidara raised an eyebrow.

"Back to business, by Jashin! Kakuzu, get your ass in gear and bring us some toffee money!" Hidan commanded.

"Is this decision final?"

"No, it's just a sausage April Fool's Day joke! Of **course** it's final! Now celery scram!" Hidan retorted.

"This had better be cheap, or else…" Kakuzu grumbled, then stuck his head out of the bushes to check if nobody "unwanted" was around, then he slouched back to their little campsite.

"And in the meantime, we'll head for the snack bar. But keep your eyes peeled for you-know-who," Kisame warned them as they filed out of the bushes in a similar fashion.

"Yay, candy, un! I'm starving anyhow!" Deidara cheered.

"Did you buy a ticket for teens or for kids when we got here?" Sasori teased.

Deidara silenced, and a tinge of pink appeared on his cheeks. "…Are you ashamed of me, danna, un?" he asked quietly.

"Don't be silly."

Although Sasori's voice sounded rather gruff when that was said, Deidara could tell that that shouldn't be taken seriously when a certain somebody's hand squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. Not surprisingly, his abashment instantly got replaced with a 1,000-Watt smile. Ahead of them, Kisame and Hidan were grinning as Sasuke had recovered from his shock enough to start summing up all the types of candy he liked.

Oh, they couldn't wait to see the look on Kakuzu's face when he would get the same lecture…!

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"So, you were here when they came, right? Where did they go afterwards?" Itachi asked impatiently as he and Tobi stood at the shallow water.

"The deep water, if Tobi understood Kakuzu correctly."

Itachi added this new information to the folder in his mind; the folder labeled: «Missing: Sasuke! Mission: Retrieval» Mikoto's sweet little Sasuke-chan in their custody?! As far as his opinion went, Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu and Kisame weren't exactly classified as professional and/or trustworthy babysitters. Covering his eyes with one hand, Itachi uttered a stream of curses under his breath – curses that easily rivaled Hidan's. Shuffling his feet, Tobi waited until his comrade had gotten that over with.

"Tobi, Tobi… I'm very disappointed in you," Itachi said unhappily, shaking his head.

Of course, this remark was like a slap in the face for Tobi, whose lower lip began to tremble. "But… but…" he began to whine, "H-Hidan said Tobi was being a… a good boy…"

"Oh, really? I entrusted Sasuke with **you**, and you hand him over to them just because Hidan told you **that**?! I'm sorry to break it to you like this, but that is **not** something a good boy would do!" Itachi reprimanded him.

A moment of shocked silence occurred just then. Itachi was still beside himself with worry and was glaring at Tobi, whose single visible eye's expression would have put a kicked puppy to shame. And then, quite abruptly, the slightly shorter teen whirled around and ran off, whimpering and sobbing dryly.

Itachi stayed behind, and when he realized what he had done, he face-palmed yet again. "Aw, gosh darn it! That wasn't exactly the smartest move I've ever made…" He gazed up at the skies. "Forgive me, Sasuke, but hold on, wherever you are, until I've calmed Tobi down…"

With those words, he slowly began to follow Tobi, trying to walk as tall as he could after he had broken one of the gang's unwritten rules…

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Ooooooooooooooh…"

Sasuke's eyes were as big as dinner plates and all sparkly as he regarded the large assortment of sweets the snack bar offered. Anyone who liked sweets considered it pure torture to decide on only one product.

The youngster was flanked by the four older teens, who showed each other thumbs-up. Bribery was infallible. The cashier was eying them suspiciously, and the few people who were waiting behind them in line kept a few steps distance to them.

"What are you looking at, salami-face?" Hidan asked crudely. In secret, however, he sure did enjoy seeing people avoid them like that. One of his fondest memories was how his mere appearance had caused the streets of some little village to become absolutely void when he had gone outside right after a ritual.

"N-Nothing…" the man apologized hastily and looked at Sasuke, "So, little fella, know what you want?"

Sasuke shrugged and looked at each of his companions. "How much may I get?"

"Remember our deal, kid: you can get whatever you want as long as Itachi is left out of this, okay?"

"**I** know what **I** want!" Deidara burst out and pressed one of his palms against the glass, "I want one of those… and one of those… ooh, and don't forget half a dozen of **those**…!"

The look on the cashier's face clearly depicted his silent exclamation of "What the hell?!" when he witnessed two mouths drooling in anticipation for the sweets – one of those mouths being on the palm of a hand. And… was that saliva that oozed out from underneath the second hand as well?! Then make that **three** drooling mouths, all of them belonging to the same person!

"Get a move on; we don't have all day!" Kisame prompted the poor man, baring his teeth as he spoke.

The cashier squeaked and hurriedly tried to catch up on Deidara's orders. In the now slightly longer line, some brave people began to tap their feet impatiently. What's more, a couple of groans could be heard as Sasuke announced that he was ready to make his choices, and the cashier quickly became just as stressed as before.

"I'm back, guys– Holy smokes, are you out of your **minds**?! What did you tell him, that he's allowed to buy the entire damn shop?! Do you think we're made of money or what's the deal here?!"

"That's quite enough, you hazelnut pansy!" Hidan interrupted, "Special situations require special strawberry measures."

"We're gonna be broke after this! And– Wait a minute, you've already **got** candy! What the…?!"

"That's **mine**, un!" Deidara said tauntingly and possessively clutched his loaded armful of sweets. He thought for a moment, then added in a low voice: "But if I'd **have to** share, I would only do so with Sasori-danna, un."

The latter rolled his eyes, smirking, and when he shot a glance at the blond, Deidara winked at him.

"Great job, Kakuzu. Yell a bit louder, why don't you? That way, Itachi will have no problems whatsoever in locating us, which apparently is what you're after," Kisame huffed.

"Well, excuse **me** for supervising our budget, Jaws junior! If it weren't for me, we couldn't even **go** on outings like this!"

"If it weren't for you, we could do this more often," Kisame corrected him, "And don't call me Jaws junior! Geez, you watch a movie **once** with you jerks, and you pay with a lifetime of film references!"

"Well, you **are** half shark, so what do you expect us to do?" Sasori asked casually.

Kisame glared at him while the cashier named the price for the excessive candy purchase that had just been made. Kakuzu whimpered when he saw the mountain of sweets, and steadily-flowing rivers of tears signaled exactly how much it pained him to part with so much "lovely, precious money". Shows like that made Hidan grin insanely while the queue behind them heaved collective sighs of relief that the holdup was just about over.

"Hey, where were you? Itachi's looking all over for you," a girl's voice spoke, and while Kakuzu tried to convince the cashier to fork over undeserved change, the rest of them turned around to find Pein and Konan. Both had a slightly ruffled look, which strongly suggested that they had been making out not too long ago.

"Why would he be doing that, un?" Deidara asked, trying to sound innocent.

Konan crossed her arms, and Pein sighed. "You're in big trouble. He's acting worse than a PMS-ing woman… Ow!" he hissed when Konan elbowed him.

"Trouble? **Us**?! Never!" Kisame pretended to be shocked.

"I wash my hands of it," Hidan claimed, showing them his hands palms-up. The others gave little coughs – after all, it was because of Hidan's idea that Sasuke had strayed far enough from the edge to almost drown. But none of them could claim to be choirboys…

"Mmh-hmm," Konan hummed, not sounding convinced at all. She looked at Sasuke, who was sucking on a lollipop while clutching a more than decent amount of things that could give one cavities. "Kid, perhaps you'd want to kiss them goodbye; when your brother is through with them, you might not recognize them anymore."

"Hey, he's still perfectly alive – ouch!" Deidara winced as Hidan pinched him hard. "I mean: he's still perfectly **fine**, un," the blond corrected himself quickly, rubbing the sore spot on his upper arm, one of his extra tongues licking it a bit. Sasori glared at Hidan before giving Deidara's back a secret pat, yet whispering to him not to slip up like that again.

"Ah, so that's it." She shook her head, smirking. "Boys, I'd sure hate to be in your shoes…"

"Konan, don't tell him!" Kisame advised her.

"Yeah; please, un!" Deidara added with a remarkably adorable pleading look.

"He'll find out anyway. You guys suck at keeping secrets," Konan laughed.

"So that means I won't have to lie to aniki?" Sasuke asked.

"You wouldn't be lying; you'd only be fibbing. There is a great difference!" Kisame told him, praying that Sasuke would be reassured.

"Fibbing is just as –" Sasori began, but Kisame managed to shut him up with quite expressive gestures.

"Well, I hope you're happy now!" Kakuzu rejoined them, pouting as he showed them his wallet, clearly expecting them to see a difference.

"So cheddar what! It still looks as yoghurt fat as ever!" Hidan commented.

Kakuzu had already opened his mouth to initiate another argument when Pein said thoughtfully:

"Things are bound to get interesting around here… we've got company."

Everyone turned to look towards the pool, and when a rapidly moving figure with long black hair and Sharingan-red eyes (closely followed by a scampering orange-mask-wearer) signaled the impending reunion with a certain irked Uchiha prodigy, everyone except Konan, Pein and Sasuke swallowed nervously.

* * *

I know that the "real" Sasuke doesn't like sweets (geez, how does he do that?!), but in this story of mine, he does :)

I hope you liked it. Feedback is greatly appreciated - I _(heart)_ everyone who has reviewed so far! You guys rock! :D


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